Wednesday, September 18, 2013

He was just trying to stop them itching? Bollocks!...

Has there ever been a time when you've considered paying a fine just for convenience sake?  I know I have!

Take the recent election for example.  Here in Australia voting is compulsory, they mark your name of a great big list as they hand you your ballot paper and if at the end of the day your name is still there, you get hit with a fifty dollar fine ... at least I think it's still fifty dollars.

Fifty dollars for the convenience of not having to find a parking spot, elbow my way through the people handing out leaflets, and then line up for god knows how long just to write the number 1 on a piece of paper?  It was tempting.  I guess everything has a price.

For example, want to know how much it will cost to fondle your dangly bit in public on a bus?  Exactly one hundred and eighty pounds, apparently.  At least that's what a Bletchley senior citizen had to pay when he was caught "shampooing his privates" on a public bus [link].

And no, that's not a euphemism for something else, he actually was shampooing his privates.

Apparently he was feeling a bit sensitive in the nether region and, with no ointment to put on, he decided to see if shampooing it would do the trick.  Although it does bring up the question, why did he have the shampoo with him?  And where on earth did he get water from?

Unfortunately, a woman and her child saw him and got a bit upset, resulting in his being charged with public indecency and having to pay the hundred and eighty quid.

I suppose if what he said was true, and he was just trying to stop an itch (again, not a euphemism), then you have to feel sorry for the guy.  Who hasn't had those awkward, irritating itches that you want nothing more than to scratch, but you know that if you do it in public everyone will look at you as if you just killed a bucket load of kittens by bludgeoning them with a puppy?  And he said he tried to be discreet, he just not discreet enough apparently.

Hell, if this was a storyline in an episode of Seinfeld, you know as well as I do that it would have been hilarious!

39 comments:

  1. Damn...I'll never look at shampoo the same again.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think that on a bus it is better to scratch than to shampoo...but then that's just me.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ew, ew, ew!!!! Omg.. I think I would've vomited just a lit'l if I saw some old coot shampooing himself on the bus! Disgusting! I'm with Joeh. I think scratching would've been a helluva' lot better!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe it was a can of that dry shampoo? You know, just spray and go? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. Where in the heck do you find these outrageous news stories?? Don't get me wrong, I love each and every one of them, but they certainly don't come up in any of my news feeds! :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so glad I don't take the bus.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too. I'm not a fan of public transport. I love my car too much.

      Delete
  7. How kind of him to keep those short and curlies clean and tidy.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thankfully I don't rely on public transport. Too much of this kind of stuff and who knows what else.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "A Hardened Criminal"! Bwhahahhahahhaha!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes, this would have made a good Seinfeld episode. Years ago someone pointed out to me that itching is low level pain and scratching it makes the pain more intense. So I try not to scratch anything and the itch goes away more quickly if left alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I shouldn't scratch, but it's just so satisfying!

      Delete
  11. While I don't think that the word discreet can be used in the same sentence as unzipped, penis and bus. That man needs to see a doctor...well maybe two doctors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL! Yep, but I think one of them is called a therapist.

      Delete
  12. Now we know where the phrase "dirty old men" came from!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Aw, poor guy. Is there no sympathy in the world anymore? And what were that woman and her child doing on a public bus, anyway? Something nefarious, I am sure. Whenever you see a mother and child together, you can bet something nefarious is brewing and some poor dodger is going to get blamed for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely, mothers and children, always up to no good.

      Delete
  14. I'd love to know how one shampoos one's privates in public "discretely?"

    ReplyDelete
  15. The awkward pants dance you need to do when you have an itch in public... good times!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's all fun and games until someone gets and itchy cooter!

      Delete
  16. For some reason this doesn't surprise me butI don't believe his explanation that he was shampooing. Probably because I work in a public library and end up seeing so many of the things that happen when "the public" has free access to your work space.

    Seriously? Australia fines people for not voting? OK I could look it up but I'll just believe you. That would never go over in the states, but not much does...

    I think the only fines I ever end up paying is $10-$20 per year overdue fines for late books, dvds. It's much cheaper than what I used to spend buying and renting. (At least where I work, personal accounts for staff are subject to the same circulation rules as accounts for "the public".)

    ReplyDelete
  17. this wasn't in the good old USA? How much is the fine if a lady has an itch?

    ReplyDelete
  18. You had me at Seinfeld references, Kellie-Pie! ^_^

    ReplyDelete
  19. Very funny! I find it fascinating that voting is compulsory in Australia. I'm always trying to get people out to vote here! Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, it's definitely compulsory here. I suppose it's a good thing, you can't have a situation where a group rallies their members to vote in large numbers while no one else bothers to.

      Delete
  20. It's pretty hilarious even without Seinfeld. I am shocked you get fined for not voting. I am across the ditch in NZ, and voting is compulsory here too, but I don't think we get fined. I always vote.

    ReplyDelete