I went to battle and emerged victorious...

Today I'm feeling particularly accomplished.

I've never been what you would call a handy person.  I can't build things, I have absolutely no patience when it comes to reading instructions, and for many years my tool box held only a butter knife and a meat mallet, both of which worked just fine as substitute screwdriver and hammer, thank you very much.

But this weekend I managed to put together, all by myself, not one, not two, not three, but FOUR flat pack items.

You see, last weekend I went shopping for a new couch, something I'd been needing for a while, and in true Kelliesque fashion I ended up buying a couch, a fridge, a set of drawers, two entertainment units and two side cabinets.

And this, my friends, is why I try to minimise my shopping adventures to once every few years.

Through some smooth talking and a touch of intimidation, I managed to convince all of the places I bought them from to deliver on the same day (a small miracle when it comes to delivery guys, let me tell you), but there was something I hadn't realised when I'd placed my order.  The entertainment units and the side cabinets didn't come assembled.

Oh crap.

So when the guy delivered them to me in four nicely packed boxes, I have to admit I had a bit of a meltdown.  How the hell was I supposed to put them together?  I'm not one of those people who can do things like that!  That's what handymen and male relatives are for!

But I didn't have either on hand right then, and I really REALLY wanted to finish putting all the furniture in place, so I gave myself a good shake and approach it logically.  Surely if I just pulled out the instructions and followed them step by step I'd be fine.  I'm a grown up, I should be able to do things like putting together furniture.

And I did!  I inserted screws into holes, hammered plugs into gaps, and wielded an allen key like I was a freaking pro!  I assembled the hell out of those cabinets!

I'm so proud of myself I can barely stand it!

Now if only these newly discovered skills would translate to things like replacing washers and unblocking drains ... oh well, I guess you can't have everything.

Crafty...

Now that we’re all getting to know each other a little better, I think it’s time to tell you about some of my more … interesting … hobbies.  You see, I’m a Gemini, and in true Gemini fashion, I have a tendency to jump on a fad or obsession, ride it until it’s exhausted, and then put it down and never look at it again.  It’s resulted in there being a lot of different phases in my creative life … as well as a lot of abandoned craft items in my house.


I’m a fair crocheter, and I do like to knit.  In my family it’s a bit of a thing to know how to knit socks.  I’m pretty sure I’m the only one actively using that talent at the moment, but I’m determined not to let the skill become rusty.  What if we have another World War and I have to start knitting socks for our boys at the front!  I'm no good at rolling bandages or collecting scrap metal.  I need to be prepared!


I tried the whole DIY furniture refurbishing, but that one didn’t end so well.  Now I have a half stained occasional table, and a kitchen floor that looks like someone was murdered in there.  Turns out furniture stain is impossible to get out of lino.  That was an interesting one to try and explain to my landlady!  


I ended up spinning quite the story about deceptive furniture stain instructions and hardware shop attendants who should find other forms of employment based on their bad advice.  I'm not sur if she believed me, but she was gracious enough to pretend that she did.


Embroidery is harder than it looks.  One delightfully misguided family member got me one of those “embroider it yourself” tablecloths as a gift one year, and I gamely went to the craft store and stocked up on embroidery thread of every possible colour.  But it didn’t take me long to realise that just because you can sew on a button and sort of fix a hem, that didn’t automatically translate into you being an elite status seamstress.  


So that resulted in yet another half finished project and a tablecloth that could have been lovely if it wasn't for the sad, sorry, puckered stitching around the edges.


It's handy for throwing over the bird cage though!

Luckily the threads didn’t go to waste after I discovered the joys of Subversive Cross-stitch.  It was positively serendipitous, what with the snarky irreverence and the modest level of skill required.  It took a while to get the hang of, but now I can cross-stitch curse words wreathed in flowers with the best of them.  

My mother still tuts and shakes her head every time she comes over to my place and sees the one I have nicely framed and on display on my side board.  But really, is there anything more elegant that telling someone to shut the fuck up via needlepoint?  How can you look at this and NOT want to hang it on your wall!

Exactly!