Is it kittens or is it drugs? I guess we'll never know...

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Okay, I have a question.  Is "Kittens For Sale" code for something?

Because considering just how regularly one house in my neighbourhood has a sign out front with that very message, I'm beginning to think that either someone needs to anonymously give them some vet desexing vouchers for Christmas, or it's actually code for something else.

I'm guessing either drugs or child slave labor.

At least, I kind of hope it's that, because otherwise they must have a ridiculous number of cats in that house, all of them pushing out litter after litter of kittens.  Sure, it SOUND cute and fun, I mean who wouldn't want to live in a house full of little balls of purring fur, but think of the food cost?  Think of the vet bills?  Think of the poop!!

I did my own research and over the past twelve months, a month hasn't gone by without that sign making an appearance.  I guess business is good ... I just wonder whether it's the drug or kitten trafficking business I'm talking about.

But seriously, do any of you guys know if a "Kittens For Sale" sign can have a more sinister meaning?  You know, like those ceramic butterflies people put on their houses back in the seventies that meant they were swingers.

Poor Grandma, she never realised the message she was giving ... at least I hope she didn't.

Maybe I'll never find out.  Maybe it'll just be one of those mysteries that I'll never learn the answer to.  Kind of like how can I gain half a kilo of weight when I only ate a quarter kilo box of chocolates, or how can sour cream have an expiration date?

But I guess the next time I need some marijuana or a ten year old to make me some sneakers, I'm set.

Give me a martini, and the cat will have a scotch on the rocks...

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I love living alone.

There are a lot of benefits to it.  I can watch whatever I want on the TV without having to fight for the remote, if I choose to leave the washing up for a day (or three) no one is going to say boo about it, and I have the freedom to wander around naked if I so choose without having to worry about someone seeing me.

Well ... I suppose there was that one time when I walked into the kitchen in the knicky-noo-nah and my neighbour happened to be standing outside my window on our shared verandah ... but we don't talk about that.

But with all those benefits, there are bound to be some disadvantages too.

Take alcohol, for example.  Society tells us you can't drink alone, or if you do then you must be a beer swilling lush with no self control.  Or worse, a "secretly drinking" alcoholic with an addictive personality.

Pretty harsh when all I wanted was a glass of Brut Cuvee.

But thanks to some wine makers in Japan, my problem has finally been solved!  That's right, now our feline friends can get just as sloshed as we do thanks to a new wine called Nyan Nyan Nouveau made especially for cats [link].

After all, it's not really drinking alone if your feline flatmate is having a glass of Chardonnay too, is it?

Well ... if we're going for full disclosure here, the cats can't really get drunk.  The wine is of the non-alcoholic variety, which I suppose means it's just grape juice.  Four dollars a bottle sounds a bit rich when you put it that way, doesn't it.  But it does have some catnip mixed in there too so at least you know your kitty will be getting something out of the experience.

I'll have to order some for Gypsy the Feline Dictator.  Hmm, I think the evenings at Casa de Kellie are about to get a lot more interesting.

How much do seeing eye dogs cost anyway...

In the laundry...

Me:  (filling the washing machine) Hey Gypsy, you okay down there?

Gypsy the Feline Dictator: ... 

Me:  Usually you're meowing up a storm, begging for food.  Gotta say, it's nice to be able to finish this without having to stop to get you a chicken wing. 

Gypsy the Feline Dictator: ... 

Me:  How about I finish up with this laundry, then you can come into the bedroom with me and we'll snuggle up while I read?   

Gypsy the Feline Dictator: ... 

Me:  You really are being quiet, are you okay? 

(reaches down to pat her, then jerks away) 

Me:  Um ... 

Vacuum cleaner: ...

I actually spent ten minutes talking to the vacuum cleaner last night.  Ten minutes, using that sickly voice you always use with animals, not realising that the cat was sitting out in the loungeroom and I was talking to a cleaning appliance.

I think perhaps it's time to look into laser eye surgery ... or I could just remember to put my glasses on before wandering around the house.

Scientists may discover some cool things from time to time, but sometimes they're real assholes...

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Did you guys ever read about the group of scientists back in the 60's who did experiments on kittens to work out if they could make them blind without doing anything to their eyes [link]?

Yeah, I know.  Uber creepy.  Apparently it's not enough to be able to blind someone by damaging their retinas, you have to use psychological and developmental methods to screw their eyesight up from infancy if you really want to make it as an evil scientist.

I think what they were trying to determine was whether eyesight is an instinctual or learned skill, and they got their answer.  One kitten's eyesight developed normally while the other seemed blind, even though there was nothing wrong with it's eyes.

But seriously, if you're going to do a bunch of weird and highly questionable experiments, why on earth would you choose to do them on kittens!  No matter what results you came up with, people were always going to be appalled by what you did.  If you do them on rats you have a 50/50 chance that someone will be horrified, but everyone loves kittens!

You might be wondering why I'm even bringing it up.  It was fifty years ago, after all.  People did weird things back in the 60's, like building nuclear bomb shelters and wearing flares.  What's a little kitten experimentation compared to that?  But the fact is that kittens are still used for similar experiments, like the ones who had their eyes sewn shut not that long ago to study crossed and lazy eyes [link].

Now THAT disturbs me.

I'm not exactly anti animal experimentation, provided there is no other way that research can be done.  I love animals, but I love human beings more, so I'm always going to be on the side of helping people.  But still...

Kittens!  They're just widdle baby kittens all fluffy and mewling and adorable!  How on earth were those scientists able to do it!  I'd be eating my heart out if it was me.

But I suppose those evil scientist types are made of sterner stuff.