Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Damn, it's the PMS fairy...

This week I haven't been the easiest person to be around.   At a risk of sounding cliched it's "that time of the month" and I was, as I am wont to do, miraculously transformed into "The Bitchiest Of Them All".

Consider this a formal apology to anyone I may have offended, yelled at, cried on, or tried to stab with a letter opener.

I have no idea how I can miss it, but it's the same story every month. It doesn't matter how moody I get, or unreasonable, or homicidal, I always end up putting it down to the general lunacy of the world around me. It's only once the madness is over that I realise my hormones may have had a tad to do with it.

When I was practically spitting with rage at the Post Office, I didn't have a clue. When I was jubilant at receiving a top score on Candy Crush, it never struck any warning notes. Finally, when rather than going across the street to get a drink I opted to burst into tears because the machine in the parking lot had run out, I realised that maybe it was me.

Okay, I'll admit it.  I'm an unreasonable shrew when I'm PMSing.  I'm bitchy and sarcastic and completely intolerant of the world around me.  I can totally see why people would get jack of me and wish me a very quick and painful demise.

But I've noticed that there's a distinct difference in the way women and men react to it.

A woman will think I'm being hard to get along with.  They may even tell me that.  In fact, I kind of rely on certain women I work on to warn me when I'm approaching "terminal bitchiness".  But not once to my recollection has a woman ever told me to suck it up or to get over it.  Women understand that you can control the beast, but you can't destroy it.

However, those are expressions I've heard from plenty of men in my time*.  And the most galling thing is it's not because it's not because they're offended or upset by my behavior or attitude.  No, it's because they see it as a weakness.

So, as a service to all women, I just need to make one thing clear.

Whatever you may think gentlemen, you don't know what it feels like.  No, you don't!  Until you've wanted to rip someone's throat out for drinking the last diet coke, had a nervous breakdown about the limescale in the bathroom, come within a hairs breadth of making out with a tub of rocky road ice cream, and burst into inconsolable tears at the laundromat because you ran out of twenty cent pieces for the detergent machine, all within the span of about two hours, you don't get it.

So lay off, unless you want to find out just how much I'm controlling myself.


* My apologies for the generalisation to all you sweethearts of the masculine persuasion who don't act that way.  I know that some of you are very understanding and patient.

71 comments:

  1. My husband just gets very sad that I am suddenly being so rude and impatient with him :(

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    1. It may be harsh, but it's just the way things are.

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  2. My wish is someday men will wake up with a bleeding, cramping uterus and say WTF? But then we'd have to put up with their whining because we know how they act when they have just a little cold!

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    1. LOL! I remember reading somewhere that men would never wake up in a pool of their own blood with horrible stabbing pains all through their stomach and just sigh and mutter "Damn, here we go again".

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  3. I wish my husband could understand this.

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  4. You can't just walk it off?*





    * joking.Please don't hurt me.

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  5. I remember those days. I remember thinking the world was filled with idiots and I was the only sane person in it. After it passed I was deeply humbled.

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    1. Meh, even the return of rationality won't stop me from thinking the world is full of idiots.

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  6. It is very difficult for a man to understand when he comes home from 10 hours of dealing with unreasonable pricks at work and 4 hours of commuting on a miserable un-air-conditioned train, and he is told in an exorcist like green sputum-spitting, head spinning tantrum that he is an uncaring piece of shit not worthy to breath because he left a dirty sock on the bedroom floor!

    Just letting you know from what it was like from my perspective...pile on if you will...I took it for years, I can take some more.

    ps. My wife never apologized, in her head all her misconceptions during "that" time became reality and bit me in the ass again and again and again.
    pps Pat- That man flu stuff is pure crap. My wife would beg me NOT to go to work when I was sick and if I stayed home she was bitching at me for "resting" before it was noon. Thus if I could drag myself to work, flu or no flu, burning fever or not...I chose dragging off to work.

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    1. Oh I agree, it's not fair or nice, but it is what it is.

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  7. For me it was the only time I had peace and quiet in the house because my kids and husband would take off to parts unknown!

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  8. Hmmm. PMS. My staff and I, who were mostly beyond the PMS stage, blamed it on the phases of the moon.

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    1. LOL! I suppose that's as good a thing to blame it on as anything.

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  9. I completely understand this week! I feel like such a wack-job. My only problem is, some months it's totally fine, I'm normal, not angry, not homicidal, all is a-ok. Others... dear god watch out and Lord help those who cross my path or look @ me the wrong way. Biology is funny that way!

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  10. Oh yes! The PMS beast is the nastiest of all. Nothing faerie-like about it. And certainly not spritely and or pretty. The PMS beast has deserted me forever, (or almost.). Now is the i'm menopausal beast. Which is worse?? I haven't yet decided. But the menopause beast can send 36 symptoms. THIRTY SIX! And i think i've experienced all at one time or another. And you're correct.. MEN DON'T GET IT!! Not yelling there, just using emphasis...

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  11. I'm so glad I was a perfect angel back in the days I had periods and PMS. ;)

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    1. LOL! I'm sure you're being completely truthful and not at all sarcastic ;D

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  12. I always used to think a really good kick to the testicles was positively the worst thing a human could suffer. But after being married for 30 years I actually think I'd prefer it to what my wife went through all those years. So don't take this the wrong way but you may keep it.

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    1. To be completely fair, I fully acknowledge that I'll never understand the pain of a swift kick to the goolies.

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  13. Don't forget those cramps that feel like someone is ripping out your abdomen with a fork....

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  14. Thank you thank you thank you. This is spot on. Yes, I understand that I'm unreasonable, on edge, and impossible to talk to normally. That doesn't mean I'm weak or just not trying hard enough. When a man tries to undermine the seriousness of periods that is a big no.

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  15. I knew I had hit rock-bottom when I cried because I was having trouble putting staples in the stapler. Then at the age of 45, I had to have a complete hysterectomy and my world changed. No more hormones playing psyco with my brain. I would do it again in a second.

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    1. Yep, crying for strange reasons is always the first clue.

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  16. I'm too afraid to leave a comment.

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  17. Just wait. Menopause, sweet menopause is coming. Of course, you go through hell when it first hits but afterwards . . . . pure heaven!

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    1. LOL! It sounds a bit like a frying pan and fire situation to me.

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  18. The best way I've explained it to my husband is like this..... it's like seeing someone totally freak out.... knowing that person is you, and knowing you can't do a damn thing about it.... He thought it was utter craziness... He is correct. Oh, and you can control the beast?? What IS your secret? <3

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  19. now imagine you are on medication that has side effects like oh...being on the bitch train for 3 fucking weeks already!!! I will find and kill the last unicorn!

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  20. I do the SAME thing. I always end up thinking "so THAT explains it" after I start mine shortly after a week of hurt feelings and sleeplessness.

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    1. I just wish I could realise it BEFORE I act like a raging bitch.

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  21. Oh what a timely post as I was crying in the car park at the local grocery, because I couldn't seem to manage everything into the car.

    When men can feel what it is like to carry a child and all of the pleasantries of such, then labor? Then they may possibly understand.

    We can deal with it though. It's probably why we were blessed with the gift of multiple orgasms. Although I'm not sure the two equal each other out in any way. Truly a delicate balancing act.

    I can seriously do without all of the stoopid commercials on the tele showing women in white gauzy skirts running along the beach. Puleeze. How about something like this one instead? Russian tampon commercial

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    1. Oh yeah, I've been there. Nothing like sobbing in a parking lot to strip away the last shred of dignity you have left.

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  22. Glad it's not only be who gets surprised every month by the arrival of 'you know what'. I spend the week before eating anything that doesn't move away fast enough and every month I am astounded by my sudden need to fill my face constantly. Apart from that I'm a take to my bed, cry at stupid adverts kind of person rather than the tear your eyes out sort.

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    1. Nup, definitely not just you! Welcome to the club!

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  23. Yes!!!!! And when we are lucky, another woman has the good sense to slide some chocolate across the table!

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    1. LOL! God bless the women who give us chocolate when we're PMSing.

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  24. All I want right now is a bottle of wine and a candy bar. I'm not saying I'm pmsing... But I'm pmsing

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Get this woman a snickers and a glass of red, stat!

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  25. I don't need to have my cycle to be a bitch.

    I'm a bitch when I'm tired, frustrated, fed up, busy and being constantly interrupted, asked stupid questions, asked mundane questions, accused of shit I don't do, accused of shit I never did, or am in pain (which is pretty much all the time lately with my back and hip).

    I'm over life in general. I'm over doing for others and having no one do anything for me. I'm over not having the money to do what I want. I'm over not being able to go where I want when I want. Or being able to live the life I want.

    You know, the usual.

    I can be a bitch every single day due to the shit going on in my life and the bizarre thing is, when I was having cycle problems a few years ago, my gyno told me to go back to having my cycle every 3 weeks instead of the 6 weeks (two packets in a row) and now I have next to no cycle, pain or bother. Yoga also helps cut back the pain.

    So no, my cycle no longer makes me a bitch, my life and being used and abused makes be a bitch.

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  26. After the wives, the female chirren, and even a female dog, I've pretty much seen it all. If you need bail money let me know. ;)

    S

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    1. Bless you dear man. You are one of the few who truly 'gets it' or as close to that as a man may ever come.

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    2. I'll keep that in mind incase I ever commit hormone related homicide :)

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  27. My husband tells me to "will it away." I can't believe he's still alive.

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    1. I will second or maybe third that. There's times of the month I wish I could "will mine away" but I'm talking about my husband, not that.

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    2. And you haven't killed him? Jeez, you must be a saint!

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  28. Oh man...I am a big crybaby and a wimp; I want ice cream and big 'ole juicy cheeseburgers for every meal and every single month without fail I think I'm going frickin' insane...until finally my period starts and I'm like "okay, thank God I'm not just a crazy person." Luckily, my husband knows when shark week is coming and he makes sure to have ice cream on hand! :)

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    1. I eat so much steak! It's like my body just says "RED MEAT, GIVE ME MORE RED MEAT!!!"

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  29. My husband pretty much pampers me & takes care of me & our kids the whole week because mine are so bad & I get migraines with my cramps so I usually end up in the bed the whole week. I'm in too much pain to even put forth the effort to be a bitch. That and I have no reason to be a bitch to him considering how much he tries to take extra stress off of me. That being said I keep begging him to rob a bank so I can pay for a hysterectomy without having to go through the insurance because I hurt so much. lol

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  30. Yeah, I know the feeling. I'm extremely sarcastic at that time, I get mean and then cries because I'm so mean and nobody understands why I'm being so difficult. I should just go live in a cave one week every month or so.

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    1. LOL! It'll have to be a big cave to fit all of us.

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  31. I know what you're saying...I spent a good few hours crying yesterday because I couldn't get my TV to work, then shouted at my mum when she suggested I get a plumber to look at my (blocked)sink, then I ate a whole multipack of crisps in half an hour...thanks for that hormones!

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    1. Yep, that sounds about right. Welcome to PSMville!

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  32. OK...it seems that while I can't blame PMSing...it's been years since that was an issue. It may be that I am a bitch 24/7. I would possibly do bodily harm if someone drank the last diet-coke. Is that wrong?

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    1. Absolutely not! I think drinking the last diet coke totally justifies homicide.

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  33. Absolutley... Mother Fracking PMS..

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