When I lost my health my patience went with it...

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So, for anyone who's interested (and why wouldn't you be, everything about my life is fascinating), I was recently down with the flu.   The wheezing, funny tingling sensation behind the nose, cotton wool headed flu, not the one that involves things shooting out of either end (ew ... mental imagery ... sorry about that). 

At first I was inclined to pass it off as a cold, but when I couldn't brush it off with a cheery attitude and a couple of cold and flu tables, I made an executive decision to promote it to the title of "flu". If it hangs around for much longer I'm going to bump it up to black plague.

I know what you're all thinking, and the answer is yes, I am being incredibly melodramatic about what is really just a simple head cold.  What can I say ... I never claimed to be a martyr.  I'm  not one to suffer in silence.  When I'm sick, you can be damned sure I'm going to whinge about it long and loud!

But still, it's amazing what you can learn even when you're a bit under the weather.  Take the lessons I learnt during this particular bout:

1. If you drop a two litre bottle of diet coke down a set of cement stairs, it'll do an amazing impersonation of a carbonated guided missile and head straight for the most expensive looking car in the parking lot. When you're not feeling well, this won't amuse you as much as you might think.
2. If your throat is sore and raspy, that's when you'll get half a dozen telemarketers calling in a row. For some reason, they won't accept that you've "lost your voice" and will continue trying to convince you to change long distance carrier until you hang up on them in frustration.
3. You may think the doctor is joking when he tells you to snort salt water up your nose to clear out your sinuses, but he's not.  However, if you ask him to demonstrate the method for you, he'll accuse you of being unreasonable.
4. When you try to gesture to the checkout chick that you've lost your voice, she'll automatically start speaking louder and enunciating like you've gone deaf. Glaring at her won't make her stop, she'll just beam condescendingly at you and scream "HERE ... IS ... YOUR ... CHANGE!" 

I know, I know, bitching and moaning isn't going to solve anything, but in the absence of Disney movies back rubs it's all I've got to comfort me.  Just humour me.