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But as with any time of great hardship, some people step up and show just how dedicated they are to helping their fellow man. No, I'm not talking about giving food, shelter, or temporary employment to those poor unfortunates who are currently sans paycheck. The hero I'm referring to is giving them something much more ... intimate.
A Detroit sex toy manufacturer, out of the goodness of his heart, has decided to give away two hundred vibrators each day to people who are affected by the government shutdowns [link]. That's right, if you're one of the unlucky civil servant who suddenly has a whole lot of time on their hands, you now have something to fill that time ... and those hands.
Isn't that kind of him! It's a stressful time, I'm sure you'll all agree, and he just wants to help everyone relax. It's not like you've got anywhere else you need to be, so why not take advantage of his complementary buzzy gift?
But as generous as his offer is, I'm not entirely sure it's in everybody's best interests.
We all know how easy it is to get used to a new routine when we're on holidays. I always make sure I don't take naps when I'm on a break, the last thing I want is to go back to work and then every afternoon at two feel like I need a bit of a kip.
Can you imagine how awkward things would get if everyone got into the habit of doing ... that ... half an hour after lunch, and then they're all called to go back to work? Seriously, we can't let it happen.
The lines for the bathrooms are bad enough as it is.
LOL well I s'pose he thinks this is his patriotic duty???
ReplyDeleteA true samaritan, there's no doubt.
DeleteWOW, so that's what all the buzz is gonna be about at the water cooler when the government employees get back to work.
ReplyDeleteAww, I see what you did there!
Delete*quietly sings God Bless America to self*
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful time to be alive ;P
DeleteNow I have the song "Good Vibrations" stuck in my head for some reason . . .
ReplyDeleteHow very freudian!
DeleteI hope he's giving them batteries, too. I hate it when people give battery-operated gifts without the batteries to work it. Especially when the people aren't working and can't afford batteries. I'm guessing it won't vibrate nearly so well without the batteries.
ReplyDeleteI'll stop now.
Maybe it's a ploy, maybe he has shares in a battery company!
DeleteHe should give butt plugs to the Republicans so they'll experience the feeling of what they're doing to everyone else.
ReplyDeleteWell played!
DeleteTouche!
DeleteI don't think this offer would appeal to many guys. I mean who needs a vibrator to ...you know.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't knock it until you've tried it ;P
DeleteThis may just replace the traditional siesta.
ReplyDeleteI'd vote for that!
DeleteMy mom works for the EPA, so she's been affected by the shutdown as well. Even so, she is the LAST person I want to picture using a vibrator. Cue the shivers!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Yeah, might want to keep this story from her.
DeleteI bet the bloke who is behind all of this- his phone line is buzzing vigorously.
ReplyDeleteAmong other things ;P
DeleteDISAGREE! Let. This. Happen! (Not like there's any way to stop the juggernaut of sex toys.) And how is "Detroit" and "manufacturer" put together not an oxymoron? BOOM! Take that, massive layoffs due to a manufacturing shift!
ReplyDeleteLOL! You're trying to start a sexual revolution!
DeleteMy brother is Furloughed. Luckily his wife works and his cars are paid up.
ReplyDeleteThat is lucky, and hopefully it won't go on forever.
DeleteI heard that people in the military don't care because they're still getting paid but no work needed.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't mind such a break though, maybe I could get some sleep.
It would be nice, provided it didn't come with stress too.
DeleteI read this sitting by myself in a coffee shop. All of a student I burst out laughing aloud, not realizing everyone is staring at me. So thank you for brightening my day. (I'm very stressed too - don't suppose he can make a donation to all the stressed people here in South Africa)
ReplyDeleteLOL! Well you don't know if you don't ask.
DeleteI'm not sure everyone will appreciate this especially since the government is already giving people the 'shaft'.
ReplyDeleteYep, but one is the "fun" way, and the other is decidedly not.
DeleteThis pretty much reaffirms my life philosophy; sex toys make everything better.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good philosophy to have :D
Deletehey nice post meh, I love your style of blogging here. this post reminds me of an equally interesting post that I read some time ago on Daniel Uyi's blog: Get A Girl .
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work friend. I will be back to read more of your posts.
Regards
chuckles to you! Kellie, that give a whole new meaning to the scripture of love thy neighbor as thyself? LOL or is it more like ewwwhh.
ReplyDeleteWell you can never have too much love in your life ... even if it is self love!
DeleteLol! Good one!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you Kelli. While it might be a good amusement for now, we don't really need to have government employees going back to work with their new toys. If we thought the lines at government offices were long before, just wait until half the work force is MIA because they are taking bathroom breaks.
ReplyDelete(all kidding aside this furlough SUCKS...as a US citizen I feel so let down by our government)
ah, ewwwwww!
ReplyDeleteYou just reminded me of my first vibrator and the time the battery was done before I was. At the time it was way too much of a parallel for my life.
ReplyDeleteI really want to comment with something witty and thoughtful on this article. After I pulled myself upright from the laughing fit....well, I got nothin'.....
ReplyDelete