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Turns out the boys in the German Guard Battalion have start to grow some pretty nice breasts [link], or as I like to call them, hooters. It's sparked quite the controversy among the ranks, raising quite a few Benny Hill-esque eyebrows.
Of course this must be disturbing for them, to suddenly start sprouting jubblies for no good reason, I'd imagine their uniforms aren't really tailored to accommodate them.
According to a plasic surgeon, the repeated slapping of their guns against their chest is triggering a hormone which is giving them a really nice set of norks. It's been diagnosed in 75% of soldiers, which is an astoundingly successful percentage in anyone's books for a non-invasive boob enhancement procedure.
Huh, and when you think of how much money is spent every year on boob jobs, when slapping someone repeatedly on the chest is so gosh darned effective at increasing the size of your fun bags ... I'm thinking the plastic surgeons have a bit of explaining to do.
So those of you who've been considering getting a tatas enlargement might like to give this option a try first. See if you can find a friend who's willing to slap you around the breasticles repeatedly and report back to us if you go up a bra size. Do it for science!
And yes, I did take this opportunity to see how many euphemisms for breasts I could put into one post. Thank you for noticing!
I will stare at my brothers chest next time I am home...maybe i can even grab a handful
ReplyDeleteThey call it Gynäkomastie...mhh I need to get a gun to get bigger hooters.
It certainly explains the ladies they have in those gun magazines, doesn't it!
DeleteWho knew joining the NRA would increase my breast size? Never mind - these hooters are bigger than I can handle anyway. I don't need to be a gun-toting gal when I have to tote around these torpedoes! But seriously? I can't wait to tell a flat-chested friend of mine that I could slap the shit out of her and she'll grow some fabulous ta-ta's! We'll REALLY be besties forever! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she'll be eternally grateful, once she's recovered of course.
DeleteOMG! You crack me UP! I have not been blessed in that area, and I am really fine with that and I sure as heck am NOT going to invite a bunch of slapping around! There are sure a lot of words for bosoms, eh? ;)
ReplyDeletetm
Well I wouldn't recommend it personally ... unless you're into that sort of thing, of course.
DeleteOkay, the prurient pig in me clicked on that link just to see what all the hubbub was about. (that was after the prurient pig in me looked at the picture of the "dirty pillows" filling out that white shirt). So, repeatedly slapping stimulates growth???? Well now, I'm gonna have to start smacking my self in the crotch. If I can take the pain, I'll soon be pretty popular with the ladies.
ReplyDeleteYou give that a shot and report back to us. We'll be waiting to hear how it went ;P
DeleteI...can't...stand...up.
DeleteI am sure that technique is superior to the fake ta-ta operation such as is in the picture. Those bazookas are fake. If the gazongas don't have a titty jiggle they might as well be little.
ReplyDeleteFun post!
LOL! I should crochet that on a cushion!
DeleteNo problem here with the old airbags but still....good piece of information to tuck away. One never knows when it might be useful.
ReplyDeleteIt's always good to pass on these titbits to less well endowed friends.
DeleteAnd after all her time with Chris Brown, Rihanna still has pretty small boobs. Her face is quite huge, though. Oh wait...
ReplyDeleteI could practically see the light bulb light up behind your head ;D
DeleteOh my mammaries! Considering that I can't wear half of my shirt because the only bra that currently fits has some sort of swirly pattern in dark colors, I shall shield myself!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Yep, you start off just wanting to enhance you "natural assets" but you end up in enormous beige scaffolding bra territory.
DeleteYou left out "knockers."
ReplyDeleteOh dear, you're right! How could I forget such an obvious one!
DeleteThis is freaking hilarious and sad all at the same time. I wonder if the drill will change now?
ReplyDeleteI don't know, I'm kind of hoping they'll keep going and see if they can get to double D's.
DeleteFascinating. I had no idea this was possible.
ReplyDeleteI didn't either, but hey they have science and facts and everything!
DeleteHaha! I thank you Kellie, for extending my vocabulary for the word 'Breasts.' Although you did leave out my personal favourite, 'Sweater Stretchers.' :)
ReplyDeleteOoh, good one! I was always fond of Sweater Yams myself.
DeleteThis is awesome and hilarious! Nice.
ReplyDelete:D
DeleteFun post! One of my fave euphemisms for breasts is "baZOOMS." And of course, when men develop breasts, they're called "man boobs" or "moobs."
ReplyDeleteAh yes, good old moobs.
DeleteI've always preferred the term ta tas. NORKS? LOL Okay then, norks it is.
ReplyDeleteOver the shoulder boulder holders.
I think we should all just call bras that from now on :D
DeleteNO, NO, NO, say it isn't so!!!! This could put Uncle Jeffy outta business. He does the most boobs in this entire area. If all ya need is a few gun slaps, he's gonna have to focus on somethin' less exciting like ass implants.
ReplyDeleteOr he could just change his procedures. Still charge the same, but save on the expensive medically type stuff by slapping them around while they're unconscious.
DeleteWho knew? Well done Kellie. I only counted two sentences that didn't mention the taa taa's in any way.
ReplyDeleteAnyone slaps my chest for this reason, they are likely to get pummeled. My cups already runneth over.
Lest I forget, you seem to have left out the words- jugs, titgies and chi-chi's. Look at all the new things we are learning together here. Thanks Kellie!
DeleteJust a thought- if it works on the breasts, can we blame the size of our ass on spanking? Same concept right?
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Provided you're willing to admit to it, of course ;P
DeleteIf only I had known it was this easy!!! Hear I went having kids and breast feeding and sacrificing virgins when all I had to really do was slap them titties.
ReplyDeleteDamn it
Hugs!
Valerie
I know! Now you only need to sacrifice virgins for the really important stuff ... like making sure Glee doesn't get cancelled.
Deleteso that's where they came from!
ReplyDeleteI like to inform the masses. You're welcome ;D
DeleteSo Judy Blume was wrong, then? All those years of "I must, I must, I must increase my bust" exercises were wasted. Damn.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't say wasted, I'm sure many people were amused by it ;P
DeleteI've watched wrestling a few times, and they're always slapping each other in the chest. Are you telling me that this is all in an effort to increase their bust!?! And bosoms, milk sacks, baby-feed spigots, jumbly bubbles, flesh waves, mammary man-mesmerizers, and of course Google Goggles.
ReplyDeleteAll noteworthy and admirable additions to our boobs replacement list!
DeleteOh my this post is literally busting right out the screen! ;)
ReplyDeleteShe's certainly got a lot going for her, hasn't she!
DeleteI love my girls and anyone considering slapping me better think again.
ReplyDeleteLOL!
DeleteHmmmm. I'm glad you've kept us abreast of these developments.
ReplyDeleteAnd no "headlights"? Another one you missed.
Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)
How could I have overlooked such an obvious one! ;P
DeleteBut how do you know that slapping rifles repeatedly against your boobs isn't exactly what surgeons do while you're anaesthesia?! YOU JUST NEVER KNOW!
ReplyDeleteI do hear you are brused afterwards. I wanna bet they just make those incisions for show!
DeleteIt's a conspiracy! We need to get one of those shoddy news shows to go in under cover and expose them!
DeleteThe question is not how to make them bigger, the question is how to keep the girls where they are supposed to be! I'd slap myself silly if it would keep them from sagging with old age!
ReplyDeleteThat's a good point. Personally, I think judiciously applied duct tape works wonders.
DeleteI am extremely impressed with your list of words for the boobolas. And this information is completely hysterical. You remember the old "bust enhancing" exercises performed with the chant "we must, we must, we must increase our bust" well you know that pre teen girls will now start beating each other about the chest to make them grow. Interesting that only the German army has had this alarming trend in breastisses growing beneath this uniforms. I'd look into that if I were them! Like did they forget that they allowed women into the army and therefore the increase in breasts?
ReplyDeleteIt's going to make teen sleepovers very different to when I was young, that's for sure.
DeleteDoes this mean there is now a need for man bras? Oh, and I once heard a comedienne refer to hers as Totonies.
ReplyDeleteThese men better watch it when carrying water or milk on base. Gives a whole new meaning to "Nice jugs, soldier."
LOL!
DeleteWelcome :D
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. I'm glad you've kept us abreast of these developments. Jinekomasti
ReplyDelete