Mr and Mrs Jones, the tests came back positive ... your baby's a redhead...

From what I understand, there are lots of tests an expecting mother can have done these days to give her a bit of useful information about the yet-to-be-issued bundle of joy.  Tests to tell the sex of the baby, tests for genetic diseases and conditions, hell you can even get a 3D model of the li'l 'un if you're so inclined.

But I can't help thinking that the doctors are just making up tests for the sake of it now.

After all, what possible reason could someone have for having a test done to find out the likelihood of their baby being red headed?  And yet it looks like it's only a matter of time before this will be on offer.  Doctors in the UK are offering DNA tests for couples that will tell whether both parents have the recessive "red-haired" gene, which would give their kids a one-in-two chance of being a carrier of the gene themselves, and a one-in-four chance of actually being red headed.  Of course, the odds would be different if one of the parents was actually red haired themselves.

Does anyone else think this might just be another money sink.  An expensive, unnecessary test that the doctors can charge an arm and a leg for?  Because I really can't see any other reason for its existence.  It'd be like having a test done to find out if your kid will have curly hair ... mildly interesting, but hardly worth the money you'd have to lay out to have it done.

Or is it really that big of a deal to have a red haired kid?  And if it is, is it a good deal or a bad deal?  I know historically that red haired people have been given a pretty bad rap, what with expressions like "beat him like a red headed step child", or the more recent (and disgusting) Kick A Ginger Day.  Personally, I always assumed that red hair was something people wanted to have, at least if the number who get it dyed that colour is anything to go by.

But the whole thing reminded me of a song by Tim Minchin, an amazing Australian comedy singer, who just happens to be red headed and felt the need to express his feeling about it via the medium of funny song.

Well I've learned my lesson.  No more using the G word from now on, I promise!

This will only hurt a little...

Because I'm a bit weird I love reading about strange historical facts, and one area that I've always found fascinating, in a disturbing kind of way, is medical history.  We did some really freaky things to each other back in the day!

Because I'm just that generous, I've decided to enlighten you all about some of my favourite medical treatments from history that make me glad I was born when I was!

Soothing Syrup:  Back in the 19th century they had a ... unique ... approach to child care.  Baby's crying?  Teething?  Won't go to sleep?  No problem, give the little darling some soothing syrup.  After all, how could anything with an ad this wholesome looking be a bad idea!

It turns out that it could be a VERY bad idea.  Like, ostrich farm bad!  What the pretty, pretty posters didn't tell you was that these soothing syrups usually contained either morphine, heroin, chloroform, cannabis, or any combination thereof.

Yeah, that baby wasn't sweetly sleeping, he was stoned off his gourd!

And they wondered why infant mortality was so high back then.

Tobacco Smoke Enema:  Another interesting medical practice was one that I found equal parts disturbing and hilarious.  Imagine this, if you will.  It's the late 1700's and you fall into the river.  The water closes all around you and blackness takes over.

Then, you suddenly come to, realising you've been dragged onto the shore by some well meaning passer by.  But that's not all they've done, oh no!  They've also rolled you over, lifted up your skirts, and are currently forcing large quantities of tobacco smoke into an orifice that was never intended to receive it.

Apparently back then it was believe that a tobacco smoke enema was a good way to revive someone who had drowned.  I don't know about you, but I expect it'd get me up and going pretty quickly, if only to get away from the guy wielding that scary looking set of bellows!

Female Hysteria:  Okay, so this one may be ridiculous, but let's be honest ladies, we owe Dr Granville a debt of thanks.  Sure, he may have thought he was curing the "weaker sex" of their debilitating hysteria, but we all know what he's REALLY doing under that skirt!

Back in the 19th century if a woman was moody, irritable, or showed any signs of a backbone at all, she'd be trotted off to the doctor by her disapproving husband, where she would most likely be diagnosed with female hysteria.

And the cure for this was what was called a "pelvic massage".  Yep, we all know what that means!

Eventually though a machine was built to do it for the doctor (maybe he was getting carpal tunnel?), first steam powered and then electrical.  So that meant that women could get their rocks off much more efficiently ... for the good of medicine, of course.

Jeez, the whole of the 1800's must have been like one enormous Carry On Doctor film!

Tapeworm Diet:  Hmm, so it turns out eating disorders have been around a lot longer than I realised.  Seriously?  Infecting yourself with tapeworms?  On purpose?  That's pretty fucked.

Lets overlook the fact that tape worms can cause cysts, loss of eyesight, neurological problems, and organ failure!  What does that matter as long as you're thin at the end of it!

But it's nice to know that unrealistic expectations of body image have been forced on women for so long, even to the point that they'd purposely give themselves a parasitic infection!



So yes, medicine has definitely come a long way since then.  We no longer drug our children to get them to be quiet, literally blow smoke up people's asses (and yes, that's where the expression comes from), or purposely ingest tape worms in the hopes of losing a few pounds.

What's that, you say?  What about the female hysteria machine?  Well ... let's just say female hysteria is no longer considered a problem and leave it at that, shall we?